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A Homeowner’s Campaign of Strategic Failure
A semi-true, mostly absurd account of one man’s escalating battle against a highly motivated underground adversary.
A Homeowner's Campaign of Strategic Failure
Welcome to The Mole Wars!
When the first mole tunnel appeared in my lawn, I responded like any reasonable homeowner.
I investigated.
Then I researched.
Then I developed a foolproof plan.
What followed was a multi-year campaign involving garden hoses, Juicy Fruit gum, traps, poison peanuts, poison worms, mothballs, homemade repellents, grub warfare, underground audio operations, and diplomatic negotiations with an increasingly confident enemy commander known only as General Molekov.
The mole remained unimpressed.
The Mole Wars is a humorous war diary chronicling one homeowner's escalating battle against a highly motivated underground adversary.
Mole-Control Strategies That Failed Spectacularly
When the first mole tunnel appeared in my lawn, I responded like any rational homeowner.
I investigated.
Then I overreacted.
Then I escalated.
What followed was a prolonged campaign involving garden hoses, Juicy Fruit gum, traps, poison peanuts, mothballs, homemade repellents, grub warfare, and eventually buried loudspeakers playing Celine Dion.
The mole was never impressed.
The Mole Wars is a humorous war diary about lawn care, obsession, strategic failure, and the dangerous belief that the next plan will definitely be foolproof.
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